Seeking certainty in an uncertain existence

Man is a being who builds a mental image of the universe. Each human being I feel lives in a different universe, where no two universes are similar. If we discount the people who have realized the mysteries of the universe, everyone is on a journey of learning or understanding. All we live by are theories and hypotheses. They are everywhere. They are in science, religion, spirituality, law, morality. Everything is seen through a tinted glass.

What is morally erroneous to a vegan seems morally right to a non-vegetarian. People fight. Media get's TRP over issues like this. Sometimes people lose their lives fighting over such beliefs that they hold.

Often not knowing that we live in a separate world from another individual makes us intolerant. Why are they eating that? Why do they pray to so many Gods? Is it not my duty to bring them to my way of life, which is the only way of life? This is the root cause of so much intolerance we see, whether in personal or professional lives. A good example can be the Foreign invasions of India since the 10th century AD. When the invaders found people to be worshiping many Gods, not even trying to understand the local culture they set about on a bloody conquest of murder, rape and pillage. All this they felt was justified for the greater cause of bringing the heretic to their fold. So much so that they thought that God would grant them great rewards in paradise for these acts.

While this is one problem that the world faces today, what exactly is the reason why people concoct theories or belief systems. People cannot deal with uncertainty. I once wrote about how Cantor unearthed a monster when he started working on infinite and trans-finite sets. People loathed the concept. Bertrand Russel loathed paradoxes and hence set about removing them in his magnum opus Principia Mathematica. Only he was disappointed when the brilliant Austrian logician Kurt Godel unearthed a monstrous paradox right in the heart of the principia, giving rise to the famous incompleteness theorem.

There is a problem in this world, for those who objectively seek certainty and confront uncertainties head on. Sometimes people are irrational, even the most sane people behave irrationally. How can one deal with such behavior. Those who seek certainty are sometimes overwhelmed and the world seems too cruel for the likes who seek truth. It is this attitude that drove Cantor mad. It is this that made Godel die of starvation. I think sometimes, when faced with irrationality or any other perplexing instances, it is better to take a step back , relax and say "Not my circus!  Not my monkeys!" :)

Sometimes it is better to be OK with ambiguity, uncertainty etc especially if at that point in time, anything you do might make matters worse. Best remember God if you are a theist and trust he will make things better. If you are an atheist or an agnostic, best do something you love to do. Read that brand new novel you've been told is brilliant. Go take a chance and watch that new Star Wars move. May the force be with you :) 

The song of silence

As I ambled along the narrow streets
Barely able to keep my balance

I was considered wise beyond my age
My intoxicated silence was considered a magnum opus

The moment I became sober and opened my mouth
I became a heretic of the worst kind and was outlawed

The gates of the temple were shut to my sober self
The only way to get back inside was through the tavern

As I observed the world balancing on a knife's edge
I was considered an extraordinary intellect

I slipped and fell when I opened my mouth
Then I was laughed upon as the greatest dullard

oh my tongue, why dost thou speak when no one cares to listen
Just stop your functioning and let this mute spectator become a hero

In this universe words of love are looked upon with scorn
Mistakes are never forgiven and you are made to pay

Listen oh heart, why dost thou expect pleasure from the beloved
When all that is in store for you is fiery arrows of a thousand deaths

An ugly duckling and a misfit is all I can be here in the waking world
The finest wine from the fakir's tavern can make me a wise sage

The drunkenness is most welcome in this world of the sane
My silence will become the greatest love song ever sung!

Snare called love

Love is like the snare of a wicked hunter
And the lover falls helplessly to his death

A beating heart craving for love is one waiting to break
A cow waiting for a cruel tiger to finish it's existence

Like a cruel ring master life prods and pricks the heart
Until it breaks into a thousand pieces and shatters like glass

All beings come to this world to live and die
The lover especially dies many deaths

Cruel words and wicked barbs are hurled like spears
Again and again wounding the heart with no time to recover

A tortuous route towards that eternal truth called death
How much can the heart take after all oh beloved

In the grand scheme of things, you are the hunter and I the pray
I die a thousand deaths trapped in this snare called love!

Fiery embers

Fiery embers were all that remained
Of the being that craved for nothing but love

I came to this world as fuel to feed this all consuming flame
A flame so dastardly that it consumes pure love anywhere

Caught in a world of circumstances, I was told I am not good enough
I was asked to jump into the inferno, taking a leap of faith

I was the swan in the lake full of many a duckling
I was told that I am destined to be an ugly duckling

I heard about all the imperfections in me and my home with patience
And yet when I said a word I was branded an infidel and burnt at stake

I feel one with Hallaj, who was tortured unto death in a gibbet
I feel like Shams who flew from Tabrez, to be skinned alive with hate

All we did was speak our minds, and yet the beloved is not ready to hear us
When we spoke, we became heretics, sinners of the worst kind in this world

The fakir told me to let go of the caged parrot, squawking and wailing alone
"Give the cage to me, and let me lead you home!" said the fakir

Burning embers was all I was left with, of that once loving heart
Unable to speak, I gave the cage to my murshid for safekeeping

I finally threw the cooling embers into the sea of the fakir
I lost myself in my fakir's ocean forgetting the river where I swam

Lost and found

I was lost in the hustle and bustle
Of the marketplace to notice within

I went ranting and raving in agony
In amnesia I wallowed in self pity

Sitting near a great treasure trove
My ego could not gauge it's worth

I went to the fakir complaining about my fate
The fakir asked me if I have gone insane

"I have given you the best and yet" he said
"You fail to see this angel who stands beside"

The fakir asked me to blot out the noise from the mind
And asked me to listen to what my heart was saying

As I looked within forgetting myself, I saw
Only you and heard your name in every heartbeat

I realized what a fool I had been, complaining for no reason
In pain and agony I forgot to notice your beloved comforting presence

Lost am I always now in thoughts of loving you
There is no thought but blissful gratitude in my heart

Gone is this feeling that "I" want this and "I" want that
All that remains in the heart is "we" want each other

Day after day I love you more and more
This love is infinite how can anyone measure

I ask god to remove selfish thoughts from my ego
And all that remains is blissful thoughts about you

Steer into the skid!

I write this at a time when disaster has struck a beautiful city. A city I have come to love. A city where many loved ones stay. Chennai today has been declared a disaster zone. The army and the navy have stepped in to rescue people. Chennai is inundated with water from frequent cyclones for the past couple of days. Respite does not seem to be in sight as of now. It merely goes to show how puny and powerless we are before nature's wrath.

This got me thinking, we get upset about so many things in life. When things do not go our way, we find ourselves being upset about the situation and the people involved. We resist the situation and refuse to believe that this could be happening to us. We keep turning and tossing in bed spending a sleepless night. But would any of that solve the problem? No! First of all, we need to realize is that life is no cake walk. Difficulties abound in everyone's life, be he a prince or a pauper. We need fortitude and courage to fight life's battles.

Today something happened that upset me. I was hoping for something. I was expecting something. But things happened another way. And no one can be blamed for it. It just had to happen that way. As I tried helplessly to get some sleep while my mind was turbulent and sad at what had happened. Then as I looked at the whole thing objectively, I realized, there was absolutely nothing anyone could have done. No one could be blamed for it. I can either go to sleep like any normal human being does at 12 AM or keep thinking about why it happened till morning and ruin a good night's sleep. I realized that I was puny and powerless before what happened. Sometimes things do happen and things may not go as planned. One must realize that what has happened, has happened. Accept it. And move on. If you can do something to make things better do so. If it is beyond one's control then..well then depending on your temperament there are two things that you can do.

1. If you believe in the almighty, an all powerful and merciful being, a Sadguru who is watching over you like a mother and taking you always towards something better, then well you can surrender completely to the Sadguru's feet and let go. Do not keep turning over in your mind why something happened that you did not want.

2. If you are an atheist, then you know you are powerless. No point getting stressed as according to you the universe is all about probability. Things could have gone your way but did not. Best accept the situation. See if you can do something to make it better. Or wait with patience and hope that things will get better.

A friend had once written in his blog that tough situations are like skidding on a road in your car. If you apply breaks and try to steer clear of the direction of the skid, you are likely to cause more damage. If however you go along with the skid and slow down, you are going to cause minimal damage. These unpleasant situations, small or big are similar. It is better to steer into the skid. Wait with faith and patience and you will see that things always get better.

In conclusion I request all readers to pray to the almighty to help our brethren in Chennai.

"When rain lashed with brilliant sparks of lightning and booming thunder in Shirdi and the people turned to you for help, you commanded the elements and said "stop, be calm!", and the storm abated. You held the Govardhana when Indra sent thunderstorms towards Vrindavan. Kindly protect your children in Chennai. Hear this prayer. Listen to their cries for help. Save those who have none but you to turn to.."

||Om Sai Shree Sai Jai Jai Sai|| 

Do not take yourself and your time lightly

A realization dawned upon me today. Balance is needed everywhere in life. Without balance there is sure to be dire consequences. People say one should have good work life balance. Some say do not spend too much time in the office as you will remember the time spent with your family more than the time spent at the office. But going by this mantra one invites one's destruction. 

This reminds me of a time when I delved into spiritual books. I used to breathe spiritual books. Not properly understanding the concepts therein, It gave my ego a boost and it was an excuse for not doing one's work. 

While spirituality, family, work, tv, books, food, travel everything is like an ingredient required to cook the perfect meal. Too much of something can spoil the meal. I have often neglected work over spirituality once and now I sometimes feel I am neglecting it over family. No one asked me to neglect anything. It is just that I do not have the guts to say no. I take it lightly and make others think my work is inconsequential. I think none of us should make this mistake. Let us understand that we all have our work and we all are busy. While one should not let work rule one's life, it makes no sense to sacrifice that and become the average Joe. So folks, know that you are important. Know that your time is important. I hope Sainath makes me understand this golden concept and brings about a shift in my thinking and attitude towards work and life.

Leonine

I see a lion every day in life
I see a hero who has battled every strife

My oldest memory of you is of bravery
And of fighting insurmountable odds and coming on top

Problems spiritual, material or physical
You have looked them in the eye and battled on

You have become a favourite in Sainath's court
You are out to unearth the secret of adi Guru

The various forms of Lord Sripada are recognised and worshipped by you
You have devoutly worshipped the Lord with the nine forms of consecrated food

When the chips are down,you have stood like a rock
Filling yourself and others with immense positivity

Sharath, the servant of Sai says you are a great gift of the Sadguru
You have inspired many to tackle life head on

Pure science taught by you but is a part of life giving education
That you provide to everyone irrespective of their age,race and color

You stand with fierce awesome energy like Dronacharya of yore
This is a humble attempt to describe my love for you

- Happy birthday Dad

Weathering the storm!

You danced in my heart when the flowers bloomed
The skies smiled down at us and the sun rays mellowed

In this fair weather you showered me with your love
And your cuddling and love filled my treasure trove

Seasons came and went and the skies became cloudy
Not all the time can one expect fair weather in this world

A massive thunderstorm lashed at our cottage of love
Against the forces of nature I struggled to stay adrift

My coffers of love were crushed in the storm
And I came to your blessed presence for comfort

Unfortunately you have to bear the brunt of the storm with me
The flowers and the cool breeze seem like a distant dream

When I crave for your love the most, you tell me you need a break
You try to set me right like a machine devoid of any emotion

And it leaves me wondering, had the storm lashed on your palace
Would I have uttered the same words and gone away in a huff

We come alone and we go alone in this world  that is the truth
We have others around us only when there is fair weather

The 'beloved' is but an illusion of the foolish inebriated mind
One has to weather the storm all by oneself!

Lonely Road

So near it appears yet so far away it exists
This craving for love and unrequited wishes persists

I left my abode to stay in a hovel dark and brooding
My love for you made me build you mansions of love

While you roamed freely in the world
I was chained in the dungeon of your longing

I left the lonely road I had traveled thus far
To enjoy the joys of your blessed company

And yet this transient joy vaporizes into hollow emptiness
The moment you do not get every little thing you desire

I suffer immense tortures untold when you close your doors on me
I suffer great physical and mental agony sleeping alone in the hovel

And I see the path suddenly merge into the lonely road
And realize that lonely is all one is in this wicked world

Remember Love And forget all else!

My imagination takes flights of fantasy
Thinking of your lovely presence in my arms

And yet you start thinking of obstacles
And you think vengefully of the past

You try to disguise your dissent and
Convince me that we will be denied happiness

Why do you not quench your thirst in the river
But look at the dry banks and complain of thirst

Quit your hate created by unwanted bias
And listen to the language of love in your heart

Listen not to the vengeful voice seeking to get back
But instead satisfy this longing of mine by hugging me tight 

Eternal Love

Words come and words go
Some pleasing and others hurt us too

Oblivious to all this is my love for you
Like the eternal witness who resides in all

And yet the ego in you and I
Forgets this love when on a high

The wise ones have always said
Words and actions forgive and forget

And yet why oh beloved this propensity
Vengeance has never made anyone happy

Let us desert the little streams of ego
And dissolve in the eternal ocean of love

Macabre

Morose and Macabre is this thing called life
For the lover, it is ever filled with strife

Walking bare foot in the burning sands of longing
Waiting perpetually to catch a glimpse of the beloved smiling

The painful ballads sung heard not by the beloved
Hurt by unrequited wishes feeling unloved

At the temple there are many devotees praying
Will I always be the one to win grace ever lasting

Uncertainty and doubt at every turn
I watch many evil men with jealousy burn

While I come to your temple to worship with love
I see many who are with evil  hand in glove

I always worry should you grant their boon insted of mine
That would be like leaving the lion and crowning the swine

However I tell myself that there is an almighty who is just
And never shall I be hurt if I faithfully believe and trust

The fakir asks me to show me one person who sought his feet
And who was caught in a storm and lost his fleet

I realized that with the Sadguru who looks upon like a mother
We will always be with peace and happy together 

My love

I roamed the world not knowing what I sought
Until I beheld your staggering beauty

In your divine presence my heart sang melodies hitherto unknown
Throwing caution to the wind I danced in your courtyard

The  people in the city think I am intoxicated
I ask them has any lover known sobriety

I wash  my excesses and capriciousness with tears of happiness in your presence
To build a palace of love in my heart for you to reside

The fortress of Ego, anger and false knowledge

I read and re-read tomes of books
To unearth how to please the beloved

And yet as I sat on top of a mountain of books
I saw the stream of knowledge flowing below

As I climbed down to drink the pure water
I saw the beloved climb up another mountain

The beloved stood on a mountain of theoretical knowledge
And built a wall of ego all around to block everyone

There was a moat full of crocodiles like anger and jealousy
And from there the beloved started the life of a despot

Thirsty and angry the beloved was locked in
Looking at me from above,refused to heed to my calls of concern

The beloved looked only at the harsh barbs that came
And not at the love which made me say things

You fail to hear me not because you are deaf, oh beloved!
You fail to hear me because you consider it beneath yourself to hear me out!

I wait encamped at the stream, waiting for the beloved
To shatter the walls, destroy the moat and come down

I wait day and night for the beloved to reason with me
And to come down and quench the insatiable thirst for knowledge

Placid silence

In midst of the din of the market
I maintained a placid silence

Surrounded by tumultuous environment
I stayed the same deep, still lake

This is because I have
seen the beloved's beauty
That the world around me is as good as blurred images

I do not hear the cacophony around me
Because your sweet voice permeates my being

I do not see the lashing waves of rage and jealousy
Since I have drowned in calm waters of your goodness

I do not see the ruins of civilizations around me
For my gaze falls only upon your shrine towering above all else

I refuse to feel the hatred of the merchants peddling their goods
Since only your love pulsates with my every breath

As I gaze upon the spire of your shrine kissing the sky
I whirl intoxicated under the starry sky in your court yard

Sleepless

I crave for love from my beloved
I beg for it like the fakir begs his meals

I see only darkness and melancholy
When I do not get to hold you in my arms

And yet no one, not even you are able to understand
How much I pine for you and how I long to be with you

A moment alone with my beloved seems unattainable
Life seems to drag on without your blessed company

Those rare moments when I am alone with you
Those rare moments when I feel I can finally be happy

The ego in you accosts the ego in me and you go away
And then you go into the dream world leaving me sleepless

I lay in the bed staring listlessly at the roof wondering
When will I ever get to be with you oh, beloved!

And my heart bleeds at the realization that
This love of mine feels unrequited

Wounded and teary eyed, I wait for you to show mercy
And satisfy this longing by holding me in your arms

I seek the beloved

The people moving in and around me
Become blurred images in the fading sun

The people metamorphose into moving shapes
Strange fractals coming out of nothing and moving into nothing

Amidst the moving apparitions I try to spot the beloved
It seems like looking for a needle in a haystack

In the whispers of the night, my ears wait
To hear your mellifluous voice drown the distant din

And yet all I hear is  distant cacophony
All I see is colorful blurs in the fading light

And yet, I continue the journey into the night
Where dreary darkness seems to be all I see

Hoping to see Sunrise in the form of your love
Hoping to be in the healing presence of your beauty

As I amble around in the darkness unable to find my way
Suddenly I see hope in the horizon by the sight of the rising Sun

Freedom

As the gong struck 12 on that fateful day
There was rejoicing everywhere

For freedom was won from a tyrranical opressor
And a nation as old as time heaved a sigh of relief

And yet now as I look back and contemplate
I realize what it must be like to be without freedom

The unrequited love of a bleeding heart
Seems not to make the beloved symphathetic

Trapped in the prison of longing I know not where freedom lies
Looked upon with rancour is the intoxicated state of all lovers

I ask the beloved again and again to not ignore my presence
But all I get in return is cynicism laced with painful silence

Grieving, wounded and tortured in the fire of longing
I crave for the eternal freedom from earthly pleasures

In the prison of earthly attachments for my beloved, I stand waiting
To be released into the freedom of eternal bliss  

The deep longing!

The lover goes through a million tortures
To which the world, including the beloved is oblivious

I continue screaming in pain, waiting to be heard
To be healed in the soothing presence of the beloved

And yet you hear me not! Why am I subject to this pain?
I cannot understand in this transaction your gain?

Lovers have long sung painful ballads to please their beloved
And yet these ballads are only read by those with unrequited wishes

Writhing in agony and pain, I tread this thorny path
Hoping that your presence will ease this torture's wrath

The hope of being in your divine arms overpowers all other feelings
It numbs the pain and makes me move on and on

The fakir asks me, "How much do you love the beloved?"
"Measure and let me know" . I try to find something of equal proportions

I find that this love is as unbounded as the Universe itself
And is as ageless as the onlooker who created this vast existence

Hear my painful cries at least once, oh beloved!
You will fell the deep longing in my heart

Unrequited wishes

I roam the wilderness in darkness pitch black

Looking for Love and care of my beloved 

The children of the village make fun of me

The people think I am lost to insanity 

I have tried to explain it to all the people I know 

The lover with unrequited wishes is like one without air

I grope around in the darkness looking for your loving presence

The abrasions from manifold thorns do not feel painful anymore

What is more painful is the thousands of unrequited wishes 

That keep pushing me to the ends of the world 

The fakir asks me to abandon all expectations

And earn your love with due diligence 

I am willing to travel all the uncharted territories 

To nurse my wounds in your loving arms

healing balm

Without you this world feels drab
Without you this life feels worthless

Without you the air feels lifeless
Without you the surroundings feel colorless

Without you each and every heartbeat feels painful
Without you even the best music feels like cacophony

Without you days do not seem bright
Without you nights do not feel warm

Losing prudence and judgement I have become
A prisoner desperately longing for you

And yet none of this makes sense to anyone but me
On whose shoulder shall I lean on?

In front of whom shall I cry?
Who would be fit enough to hear about this intense pain

I wait for the healing balm of your beautiful presence
In the infirmary for the love lorn

I wait for your warm embrace,
In the intolerably cold lonely night!

look into the gateways of my soul

As I sat one evening gazing listlessly

At the beauty of the endless night sky

My beloved said "hearken unto me"

And showed me images of my youthful beauty

Lost were those glorious manes, why oh why

In the bygone era was the face so fair and unmarred 

As I sat unable to fathom the meaning of it all

Remembering the good old days when victory was at my feet

Then came to my mind the dark days when things fell asunder

Battered and bruised was I by many a storm

And yet as I returned home shipwrecked and heart broken

Your presence was a healing balm to all my woes

And yet you show me pictures from ages ago

Look deep into my pain filled eyes I say

And do you not see the same set of eyes

Look into the gateways to my soul, to see how deep is my love for you! 

Cottage of Love

I have soared the skies of love
In your blessed company

I have sunk to the deepest depths of agony
In even a moment's seperation from you

The sane people of the town do not understand
The waxing and waning of a lover's heart

None but I can understand this pain
My heart cries tears like rain

Thorniest are the paths the lovers take
To hold the beloved in their arms

However painful the path, the drunkard does not care
He would go to any lengths to lose his sobriety

Stay by me and soothe my aching heart
For all other medicines are sold by quacks

For your sake I drowned my capriciousness in the sea
And built the cottage of love in my heart for you to stay

Afraid!

I was afraid of heights when I looked down from the mountains
I was afraid of the roaring  stream lest it take me to the deep abyss

But since I attained the Treasure Trove of your company
I fear even a minute's separation from you

Each and every second away from you feels 
Like the painful blows of a Blacksmith's hammer

Each and every moment spent in your arms
Acts like a healing balm soothing me back to health

Poets have always lost their sobriety when in love
And have sung painful ballads for their beloved

Who can understand this pain but myself
As I traverse the thorny road to your blessed company

I have driven away the false pretenses and prejudices in my heart
To build a palatial mansion of pure love for you to reside in!

Long tortuous route

A long tortuous route I took
After falling head over heals in love

Blows aplenty I received from the
Serrated arrows of attachment and love

The ego reared it's ugly head at times
To deliver blows of it's own 

Pain and heartache combined with strife 
This seemed to be my lot in life

And yet overpowering all this is an infinite love
Your  presence acts like a healing balm to every wound

I would weather a million such storms 
To be with you eternally.

As the lover waits

As the lover waits with bated breath looking listlessly about
Waiting to hear from his beloved
The tortuous route he takes through longing and separation
The path seems strewn with a million thorns
But endure the lover must too feel the warm embrace of the beloved
After crossing hill and dale and dark labyrinths
I finally see the light of a million lamps..
Momentarily  blinded I am aware of the sweet fragrance wafting throughout
And on opening my eyes I see I am in the beloved ' s presence
Long gone are the scars of separation
Healed are the wounds of longing
When I am in the beloved ' s embrace

What do others know?

As I was moving through a dark labyrinth
you rose in the night sky like a bright moon..
You sent your cool white rays
to help me walk towards you
I climbed abroad and ran towards you..
culminating in the highest ecstasy
People might mistake me for a drunk intoxicated on wine..
But what do others know what your love can do to me