The path to the unknown!

I travel an unknown path, carrying a bag containing worries
Along with fears and expectations, I move with uncertainity

I look hopefully with each sunrise towards the horizon
Hoping that the next step I could let go of my bag

The bag makes each step I tread very heavy
And yet the armor of faith and prayer keeps me moving

I look to the sun and wind for directions during the day
And in the night I am guided by the starry sky

And yet there are times when this bag becomes really heavy
And I drop it for a moment and sit in the shade of the banyan tree

The next moment I am in the sand dunes of Giza
Gazing at the Pyramids of Khafre and the Spinx

I see the priests embalming a body to mummify
The ancient ritual being taught by Osiris

I see the secret tome of knowledge from the fabled Atlantis
Hidden in a chamber beneath the ancient spinx

I try to find my way to unearth this secret knowledge
It feels as though my dream is about to come true

When I wake up to  the golden rays of the sun
Under the very same tree with my bag next to me

I streach and yawn and look at the unkown path before me
Wearing my armor of faith I again tread the path with the bag


With a secret longing that maybe sometime in the future
All my dreams will come true and I will be redeemed

Maybe in a few steps or a thousand steps more
I could finally let go of my bag and just be

The Siege

From the high walls of the fort
I look down upon the plains

In the morning sun gleam
Swords Shields and armour

Of a hundred thousand men
Who have laid siege to my city

They raise their scimitars and cry
Their terrible battle cry

I can see below the swift horse archers
And the fleet footed Mameluke

Hundreds of cannons ready to Bombard
Fire and stone ready to strike at the drop of a hat!

Inspired their men cry in unison
Standing ready making a terrible din

In midst of all this cacophony
I stand trying to keep calm

For at stake is our honor
I must show them my valor

I arm myself ready to strike
keeping the long bows at the towers

The trebuchets are ready
to strike them with fire and stone

The militia and the knights lie in wait
To strike at their army when it is in disarray

I  know we fight against overwhelming odds
But fight we must for that's why we are born!

I raise my sword in the air in the name of god
And cry his name to strike fear in their hearts

For the safety of my city, I shall decimate their armies
After my assault they will never again come to war!

From Tahir square to Wall Street

I arrived in New York sometime in the afternoon. The rash driving, the honking, the narrow streets, the potholes, all made me feel right at home. Was this not reminiscent of Bangalore? I reached the hotel and had some time to kill before my room was ready. I was pleased to find that 2 blocks from my hotel, the entire street was filled with Indian restaurants. Having eaten a modest meal in a South Indian resturant, I got ready and  hailed a taxi to my destination, the intersection of Wall Street and Broadway. The cab driver refused to go near Broadway and dropped me a couple of blocks away. "Too many cops there! It's just a short distance away, you can walk from here" so saying, he dropped me on wall street a couple of blocks away from Broadway. I walked the entire distance and I was in awe. Loads of cops from NYPD and barricades the entire length and breadth of wall street. I was amazed. It seemed as though someone had laid siege on the Wall Street and it definitely turned out to be the case. As I went about my business finding the required address on Wall street by asking some cops who directed to my destination, I couldn't help appreciating the concrete jungle in all it's glory.

Protests in Wall Street

As I was in a meeting, I asked my friend about these protests. She said "Most of the people do not even know what they are protesting about. They seem to be inspired by the Arab spring. It seems to be a hodge podge of issues, but one of the key issues seems to be social and economic inequality, corporate greed, and the influence of corporate money and lobbyists on government. They feel most of the money in America is in Wall Street!". "Funny, I thought it was in Fort Knox" I joked. Well they might have felt that all the people in fancy suits on Wall Street were wealthy. Well I wasn't one of them, I can assure you that!




A lot of things were happening that day in New York. The UN meeting was scheduled to be held in New York. There was a lot of talk in the news that day about the creation of a Palestinian state and what the members of the UN and mainly the US thinks about the whole issue. A few weeks later I saw two amazing speeches by the current Isreali Prime Minister on why creating a Palestinian state right now is impractical unless Mahmoud Abbas decides to make some compramises. I leave it to you to listen to this charismatic leader and decide for yourself what is best for the world. A small nation, fighting every day for it's very survival and doing a very good job at it. They know how to survive. Our country must take a cue from them. And our spineless and gutless prime minister, who is like a butler to an ex-waitress, said he wants to "welcome Palestine as a new state with East Jerusalem as it's capital. But what more can you expect from him. He wants to woo certain section of the Indian society to vote for his filthy party. Doesn't these videos of Mr.Benjamin Netanyahu make you wish we had a strong PM like him.

The evening I had made a reservation to go the World Trade Center Memorial. In the very same month of Septembe, 10 years ago, 2 planes had hit the twin towers of the World Trade center. The two towering sentinals in New York City. They had crumbled killing many people, including many brave firefighters who selflessly went into the building to rescue the thousands of innocents who were trapped in the twin towers. I still remember that day. I was watching a Wrestling pay per view on TV. My mother just happened to hear the news and switched the channels. I was shocked by the events that were unfolding. I was a person who believed in equality of men. I used to feel all are equal. But that day, I realized that there were people, worse than the lowest filth on earth. People who wanted to hurt innocents and kill them with a religious zeal. It angered me and led me to do a lot of research into who these people were. I only realized that such people had harassed my motherland for thousands of years and are continuing to do so. Anyway, this isn't the place to discuss this. I will  write more about it in my history blog.

The "Sphere" which stood in the Plaza of WTC for over 3 decades

I walked from the intersection of Wall Street and Broadway towards the harbour. I wanted to catch a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty. I saw her but briefly as I landed in La Guardia airport at New York. She was such a magnificient sight. As I walked towards the harbour, I saw the sphere, which was a atop the WTC. It was damaged during the terrorist attacks but has now been placed as a memorial at a park for all those who lost their lives 10 years ago.

I went to the harbour and walked for a while near the Smithsonian Institute of Native American art. I then saw the Statue of Liberty from a great distance. She stood there as she always does, standing tall and majestic. How I wish I had time to take the ferry and to see her from nearby.










I then walked back towards broadway and wall street and asked the policemen for directions  to the WTC memorial. I reached the site after a few minutes. My heart was heavy and I was feeling very depressed. All those tragic events from ten years ago flashed before my eyes. The memorial itself was closed at 7 PM.  I had just missed getting in. I could see from outside. I walked all around it. I saw the various murals on the walls nearby dedicated to the firemen on New York city. All this while unkown to me, involuntarily the place made me feel sad. I felt as though I was carrying a heavy load. As it was getting late, and I was in a new city (To me), I went ahead, hailed a cab and went back to my hotel. In the next blog I will narate what happened during my return flight and we will also journey to a city  which was the jewel of the Islamic world once upon a time.

Here are some pics that I took.

A virtual visit to Egypt

I contemplate quite often on how and where we came from? And where we are heading towards? From antiquity there were various theories that tried to answer these questions. But from them arise only more and more questions. As to the former question, one needs to go to the ancient sites of the world like Giza in Egypt, Harappa and Mohenjadharo in India and Pakistan, Tenochitlan in Mexico, Machu Pichu in Peru, Baalbek in Lebanon and the list goes on and on. An insatiable thirst to find out more about life in antiquity always makes me feel that I should visit these places in life and investigate for myself the mysteries that they present to the world.

Well, I do not know when this dream will be fulfilled. But the next best thing to visiting the actual place would be to talk to people from that place. And where would you find people from almost every part of the world? In United States of America.

And as I was taking a cab to the airport, I struck a conversation with the driver, who was from Egypt. I naturally enquired about the political climate in Egypt after the end of the regime of Hosni Mubaraq. "It is very bad" replied my friend much to my surprise. I thought this is what the Egyptians wanted. They wanted an end to the long reign of Mubaraq. This was very much apparent in the huge number of people gathered in protest at Tahir Square in Cairo. "Why is it so? Is the interim government now entirely a military one? Are they violating any human rights? I thought there would be a slow transition to democray?". "The military government is not able to control everything that is happening in the country. There is a lot of looting and violence happening in villages and cities. The military cannot control everything. There is no police like there was during Mubarak's time. Also I fear the rise of Muslim brotherhood!" said he.

Oh yes! The famous Muslim brotherhood. Many were skeptical about their rise in prominence. Whilest claiming to be a moderate group opposed to the violent form of Islam practiced by Taliban and Al-Queda, they still want Sharia to be imposed in Egypt. Many find their rise in prominance to be alarming. Sharia could be a curse to women and minority religions. The coptic Christians living in Egypt are alredy fearful of the developments. "The Muslim brotherhood, if they come to power, they will say get rid of cell phones and other forms of communication because they are anti-Islamic. They will say let us use good old pigeons for sending and recieving letters". This was indeed the mode of communication that the early Muslim rulers of Egypt were using. However I found it hard to beleve that the Muslim brotherhood will be that illogical. They do not seem that hardline to me. However, who knows? Maybe the cab driver is right.

"During the holy month of Ramzan, the Muslim brotherhood opened grocery stores in all villages. They were selling everything at half price. Rice, chicken , vegetables etc everything was at half price. They are winning over the villagers. What do the villagers care about Sharia or no Sharia. They want food, water etc. They get it cheap during Ramzan, they are impressed. I know not where the Muslim brotherhood gets the money to do such 'Chariatable acts'".

"Maybe from the Sheiqs in Soudi Arabia? Probably the Wahabi fundamentals from Soudi,Yemen etc? " . "Maybe!" agreed the driver. "The most fearful thing is, if the Muslim brotherhood were to come to power, they would urge all the Arab nations to wage war against Isreal! That is scary. It would disturb the peace in the Middle east. Mubaraq somehow maintained peace with Isreal."

Now the ramifications of the rise of Muslim brotherhood hit me. Any war in the region could well turn into a third world war. The last thing we want in this world is war. I certainly do hope that the muslim brotherhood never comes to power. Of course, for all we know, the Muslim brotherhood may be a benign and peaceful organization. But if the words of our friend is to be believed, they are not! What might happen in the future only time will tell.


I will continue from this virtual visit to Egypt to a very real visit to Wall Street, the concrete jungle in New York city.

Steve Jobs and the iGnorant!

I still remember the day I went on a cruise in San Francisco bay near the Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz island. For one thing it was a cold foggy day. I took a couple of great pictures on the trip. One more unforgettable thing happened, when I stood at the ticket counter with my good friend Sujay. The ticket seller or guide (I do not know what he did exactly for a living) was a very loquacious man and went on rambling about something or the other! He probably realized that we were from India, and when giving an analogy said "It's like Mrs.Gandhi is the real ruler of India and Mr.Singh is merely a puppet in her hands..." . I must admit I did not see that coming from him. Was it so apparent that even a guide in a ferry knows about it. Either that, or this was a guide well versed in world affairs. But whatever the talkative guide said was the truth and there was no denying it. This is what makes me despise everything about the ruling UPA govt in India. This is just one of many many reasons. Their pseudo secular policies. Their scams. They are neck deep in corruption. And they want a person who is probably good at nothing to become the future prime minister of India. I am sure many share my opinions and want to get rid of this wicked autocratic regime.

Because of this, I came to know of several people who were quite vocal in their criticism of this current regime. I respected them and started following them on twitter even. But I found a couple of interesting characters about whom I felt I should write a post. Not only are these people hilarious, and end up making a mockery of themselves, but they have an ego as big as the Milky Way.

The first person that I wish to speak about is a person called Vishwabandhu Gupta, a former Income Tax Commissioner. He came to the limelight, when during a rally by Baba Ramdev, he openly declared that most people in the current UPA regime like Chidambaram,Pranab Mukharjee and even Mr.Singh are crooks. He called Pranab da a "Hijda" (eunuch) . I was quite impressed by this speech and started following him on twitter. Many were his tweets about Rahul baba, Antonio Miano, Chidambaram,Pranab Mukhargee. He did not even leave Baba Ramdev (With whom he had shared a stage in Ramlila Maidaan) and Anna Hazare. He suspected them of selling out to the govt and said their character is dheela (Tainted) and started tweeting the lyrics of a popular song "Main karu to saala character dheela hai"! (If I do so, they say my character is tainted). These erratic tweets and conspiracy theories made me doubt his credibility a bit, though I do not doubt his allegations about UPA to be untrue. I think he really became famous with his supposed speech on cloud computing. It was an instantaneous hit on Facebook and many people started sharing the video on facebook and twitter. If you haven't seen it already, watch it and enjoy!!!



I watched this video countless times and laughed to my heart's content. What I find amazing is the confidence with which this man speaks about something about cloud computing about which he hasn't the slightest idea. Bursting with curiosity I went to his twitter timeline. I saw that someone had tweeted "Sir, please take back your comments on cloud computing", to which our scholar had replied "Haha, that was said in good humor. I did not know the talk was getting recorded and would go live". I did not believe in this, but since he is someone who also shares a hatred for the current UPA govt and believing him to be a patriot, I felt I should help him with some good advice. Therefore I tweeted " Sir, perhaps you should give another interview clarifying that the cloud computing concept was mentioned jocularly and that you were just kidding with the interviewer". I do not see any tweets from him after that for a long time. But my friends on Facebook kept talking about more extraordinary conspiracy theories coming from him.  When I went to his profile, my suspicions were confirmed. He had indeed blocked me. In his paranoid head, that concocts a 100 conspiracy theories per second, he probably felt I was in some way connected with the UPA govt or even worse. Probably he thought I am an Italian. If you come home from a hard day's work and find nothing entertaining on TV, follow this guy on Twitter. He is sure to entertain you each and every day. His twitter id is @vbg111.

Now jokes apart. Today was a very sad day for the technology world, and the world at large. Steve Jobs, co-founder, ex-CEO of Apple died today after battling Pancreatic cancer for many years. Now this man needs no introduction to any person who loves technology or gadgets or even anyone who uses any of the amazing devices that this man helped innovate. Who can forget his unforgettable commencement speech at Stanford in 2005. Whenever I am depressed or when life's problems and troubles seemed overwhelming, I used to remember this. It made so much sense. I am sure this is something everyone will have heard, but will still go ahead and share it for those who might have missed it.

Now the man behind the Mac, the iPod, the iPhone and the iPad. The man behind Pixar. I mean who has done so much for technology as this man has. An extraordinary innovator and a genius.  There are really none like him in our era. His death today saddened me a great deal, as I am sure, it did to most people in the world. I was amazed at how much it saddened me. As a music lover, I bought my first iPod classic in 2007 and absolutely loved it! I bought the iPhone4 the moment I heard I got a job (Which eventually I did not get because of budget reasons.) I guess I was just looking for a reason to lay hands on the iPhone. The job may have got whisked away from me, but the iPhone stayed. I have become so accustomed to using it. Now this man was one of the key reasons why these devices came and revolutionized the world around us. Here was  a man, who brought forth a tablet and created a market where there existed none before. The man deserves respect and notice.

As I was browsing through facebook and twitter reading various tweets and status messages mourning the loss of Steve Jobs, I ran into an interesting tweet "Amazed how some of mature tweeps gets carried away by drama on TV like BB and videshi singer like Steve Jobs… " . Obviously BB refers to an idiotic reality show called Big Boss which deserves all the censure in the Universe and more. Videshi (Means foreigner) singer. So Steve Jobs according to this tweet is just a famous singer from the West. This tweet was by another famous critique (at least on twitter) of the UPA regime called  Vijay Bahadur Singh (Twitter id @vbsingh60). This is how he describes himself on twitter "Supdt. of Customs (Retd.), Legal Practitioner, Awardee of Navleen Kumar Award in 2004, Whistleblower, Anticorruption activists." I was surprised at his ignorance and shocked at the confidence with which he was displaying it on twitter.  According to him no one cares about the poor people in India who are dying every day. Well, I ask you does he? He seems to spend all the time on twitter cursing the UPA govt. How is he helping make the life of the poor any better. And what is wrong in mourning the death of a great man, whoever he is! (Indian or otherwise). Does that make me less patriotic.  Now I found an interesting reply to this tweet of his, which I feel I should share here "@vbsingh60 SirJi, Steve was not singer.He cam to India to meet Neem Karoli Baba and returned as Hindu,later followed Buddhism.True Karmic." Now this was interesting. Baba Neem Karoli was as I know a great saint from UP who  had attained self realization. It was great to hear that Steve had actually met him. Now this should not be a reason alone to mourn his death. But it is one of his many facets, something that I did not know. I knew remotely that he was influenced by Eastern mysticism just like Einstein and Heisenberg.  When I sent out a tweet in reply to this, including Mr.Vb Singh that some people are so confident about their knowledge (Or in this case, ignorance which they think is knowledge) and do not care to open their eyes and learn the truth. That he should be more careful about what he tweets. And lo and behold! What does he do, but block me! 

Two strange people indeed. Both are so vocal about their criticism of the Miano family and the UPA govt (They are one and the same). And I concur with them fully in this criticism. But on certain matters, it surprises me how ignorant they are and how narrow minded they are. They are oblivious to whatever exists in the world, apart from their own worlds of conspiracy theories and hatred. I am glad they blocked me. Following them on twitter and reading their tweets everyday might make one just like them. A frog in a well, who thinks the well is the very universe itself.  I have met a lot of unique people in my life, but these two are so unique and strange that I thought I should mention it in this post. And in ending the post, as a proud Indian, I hope Steve Jobs has reached Nirvana (Since he was apparently a  Buddhist) and has escaped the endless cycle of birth and death. 

Shams of Tabrez

Where do I find you oh Beloved?
Are you in the fabled garden of Eden?

Are you present in a seat in the high heavens?
Or in the very depths of the deepest oceans?

Are you present in the midst of the cave  of Djinns?
Or are you present in thickest of the forests?

Sarmad went in search of you all over
Did not need the robe of ego as a cover

Rumi searched you in until he was in a daze
To find you in the house of Shams of Tabrez

Elusive as the golden stag are you
Appearing and disappearing in cities old and new

You were present in Bhagdad of consciousness
In midst of all the merchants carrying their wares

In the night when the moonlight shone brightly
Over the many shrines and crowded marketplaces

Amidst all this din and fanfare
You were in the house of Shams of Tabrez

Rumi looked all over for Shams
After he had been skinned alive

Only on reaching Damascus did he
Find inside himself thy presence

Hence Mansur said on the Gibbet
That "I am the truth"

He who knows where and who you are
Is immersed in an endless ocean of pure love

Submerged inside the pure waters there is no ocean
Neither is the submerged person who drowned in the ocean

There is you, you and only you!
In the house of Shams of Tabrezi, Rumi found you!

The depth of this love!

I tried to fathom the depth of this love
To find something similar in nature

The love that Laila and Majnun had
Pales in significance with this love

For Laila wanted Majnun and vice Versa
There was always selfish interest involved

The love that the bee has for the flower
Is also for the nectar within

Or is it similar to the intoxication of
Shams and Rumi for their beloved

And yet this love is beyond the
Whirling of Dervesh in divine love

Is it similar to the love of Tukoba and Ghora
Damaji Pant and Namadeva for Panduranga

No I think it is the love the beloved had
For Rumi and Shams and Mansur and Ali

It is the love that Vitoba had for
Jnanadeva,Nivritthi,Ghora and Tukoba

This only can explain superficially
Like the tip of an iceberg

The love that the parents feel
For their children day and night

One might as well measure the depth of the seven seas
Or measure the expanse of the skies above

But one cannot I realized measure
The divine parents care and love

--Dedicated to my parents

Before day and night came forth!

The lovers know only your name
But they call out to you in different names

Before day and night came forth
Much before there came knowledge and ignorance

Before life and death came forth
Before one knew happiness and sadness

Before there was prey and predator
Before there was good and bad

When this ground was not there
Nor was there the sky above

There was no sign of the sun or moon
Nor did there shine any stars in the night sky


Before any one was born here
There was a time when no one knew the truth

Then Only you and  you alone existed
The beloved alone was there and none of the lovers existed


How all this materialized only you know
The lovers are just baffled by the world

Why this pain of separation from you?
The world seems like a sharp bed of nails


Why did the son of Haider drink the wine of annihilation?
Why did Shams of Tabrez allow himself to be skinned alive?
What did Mansur say at the Gibbet and why?
Who knows all this but you and only you?

Only these lovers who were lost in your thoughts
Forgot all else and realized there was only you

They realized darkness was just absence of light
And then there was your light and light alone!


--Inspired by the Sufi song "Allah hu Allah hu"

Who art Thou?

As the moon and the stars lit up the night sky
I ambled along the narrow alley intoxicated

Oblivious was I to the hustle and buslte of the city
Ever so busy with merchants and travellers at night

The spire of thy shrine rises at the center of the city
And it seems to raise above all else and kiss the sky

To hear your soft melodious voice oh beloved
Have I turned deaf to the sounds of people around me

Once the lover hears your voice ever so sweet
He wants to do nothing but run towards your feet

In this drunken state my fellow men jeered at me
Hearing them not I heard only thee

I asked you in all eagerness "who are Thou?"
The voice soft as silk replied "Thou"

And continued "The eye with which you see me"
"Is the eye with which I behold Thee"

Thirst

I sat under the shade of a tree to avoid
The extreme temperatures of Summer

And yet I saw you for a fleeting moment
To behold you in my eyes forever I left my safe abode

I walked many miles in the merciless heat
Did not know where to seek you or how

Unable to bear the heat of Summer
Parched was my throat for your cool waters

Seeking your stream I crossed mountains and valleys
Finally reached the precincts of your stream

Only to find all the water had dried out
And yet this thirst kills me not

This thirst that remains un-quenched
Makes me always wander like a nomad

The path is burning with heat
Devoid of your cool streams

In this my bare feet burn unceasingly
And yet I hear the trickle of your stream

This dream of submerging in your waters
Keeps me alive in spite of this insatiable thirst

Hopes and Dreams

Life gives me hopes and dreams that

rise higher than the highest waves in the sea

Only to come dashing down on the

Rocks and boulders of reality

Parched I move around in the desert of life

Time and again I see many an Oasis

Many a streams appear with crystal clear water

Only when I near them do they turn out to be mirages

I seek the beloved with unbounded love

With selfless and untiring efforts

Only to find the beloved in dreams and visions

But in reality always ever so distant

To expiate what sins am I burning thus

In a fire that never seems to die

Pains and tortures that wreck the body

And trouble the soul appear to be never ending

There is no balm to heal this pain

In this gamble there is never any gain

And yet I continue treading this path

Slowly wearing my body and soul

Life at crossroads!

Sometimes I am a very emotional person. And if something goes wrong and I end up being at a social gathering within an hour of that, I cannot help but show my anger/sadness/frustration etc. I just find it difficult to 'act' as though I am happy. And this has got me in trouble for all the wrong reasons.

A number of times (Quite recently), have I committed to going to some social gathering of some sort and ended up keeping quiet the whole time or getting angry at someone. This is probably more quite recently because of the extreme duress that I am going through. Well I know what most people would say! Everybody has problems! You must learn to cope up with yours. Go out there and make people smile. Be like the heroic person who suffers on the inside. Well all this sounds great, but I find that it is harder to implement as my problems mount. I have had a lot of ups and downs in the past one to two years. A lot of my priorities in life have changed and are still changing. Never in my life have I been in a similar situation. And that is why I find myself in an awkward position. Things have transpired in such a way, that I dread going out to meet people, save only those who know me well enough. And do such people exist in my vicinity? I doubt!

Ever met a person, whom you thought you knew, and then had a startling revelation that you do not know him/her at all. Well that's been happening to me so often recently. Either my friends or changing or may be it's me! Maybe I am changing. It's hard to say what is true.

We all came here with a lot of common goals. We all wanted to study hard and then find ourselves a perfect job. I think there was little variations to the long term goals on whether to settle here or go back to India. I too had my own dreams. But circumstances and situations in life, force us to sometimes think about what really is important in life. Maybe there was a time when you thought something was really important in life. But after sometime you are forced to think otherwise. I am going through such a phase right now. A lot of my priorities have changed. I do not crave for the things that I once craved for. Consequently, when I speak to some of my friends, I find that we all are seeking something different entirely. I honestly do not think that in life so far, I am an unsuccessful person or a failure. But I think most people fail to understand what is going on in my life. They think that "Ah! Here's someone who's still struggling to stand on his own two feet! Poor fellow". This seems to be evident in their every gesture. And it makes me sick when I see that! Sometimes I wish I could not read gestures so well. It makes me feel so bad and I cannot hide my emotions that easily either.

I am in such a phase of life, where I have done all there was that I could do to get something, and am now playing a waiting game. Now nothing is in my hands. To best describe it, I have travelled a road to a certain destination and have almost reached the gates. I am waiting for the gatekeeper to open the gates and let me in. If he does not do so, I plan to traverse another road. For in travelling this road, I have tread on such a thorny path barefoot that I feel I can take it no more. Or rather even if I can, it is not worth the pain. What I seek is peace of mind, not that which lies at the other end of the gate. My goal now is also restricted by time. If I can get to that destination now, it is worth it! If not, again doing the same thing here seems like a foolish task. It is like the Samurai who dreams on winning big battles for warlords, and sacrifices his family, friends and lot of things for that pursuit. And before he knows, his hair has become gray. I do not and cannot afford to be like that Samurai. I know what I am talking about is very vague, but I cannot say more on this topic. Only with time  can I reveal what I meant.

Now this is the problem. When I meet some inquisitive friends, who out of concern or not try to probe deeper into what is going on in my life. Even for a simple "How's it going?" or "How's life", I am forced to give a vague and evasive answer. That is why I dread talking to people nowadays, more so to well acquainted ones. I cannot tell them what is happening in my life, and it is so difficult always to make up things.

Waiting for something to happen is such a painful thing. I sometimes feel I am clinging onto a rope at the end of a cliff, waiting for someone to pull me up. I try to be patient, but more often than not, worry creeps in. To avoid this, I tried going to some social gatherings a couple of times. And this is always a bad experience. The first thing I get from everyone is "My god! You have lost so much weight! What happened to you!" . And when I try to tell them in a few brief words that I was not well , all I get is "Take care of your health man! It's very tough here in the US", as though that helps! I know it first hand! And I did not get health problems by any reckless living! The ones who advise me are the ones who have loads of healthy habits like "Smoking" and drinking. So usually, whenever I meet someone after a long time, their first words will be about my skinny appearence. This reminds me of all the pain and suffering that I went through when I was ill. And then I end up becoming quiet. And then almost everyone I have met these past few days has complained that I do not talk much! Well what do you expect. Initially I thought I was usually quiet when there was  a large crowd. But then, when I met a friend recently after a long time, and there were just the two of us, he asked me why I am so quiet? The surprising factor was I did not even realize that I was quiet until people pointed it out to me.

All I can say is, I am trying real hard to fight off my problems. I am in midst of a crisis and I want to take a major decision, which is not necessarily an easy one. During such circumstances I think it is natural for someone to be enveloped by thoughts about the problem in question and it is difficult to be "normal". However I feel it is just a short phase. I know that either way in a month or two it will all be over. I will leave this place for good and strangely I am looking forward to it. I know that a change of place can give me a chance to start life anew. And the fact that I know I will be leaving this place in a short while makes me very happy about it. I do not know why I am writing all this! But sometimes I feel it helps, to just tell someone what I am thinking. And since maybe, since I find it so difficult to talk about all this to anyone, save my parents, perhaps the best way to get it off my chest is to write it down. After a long introspection on this topic, I came to the conclusion that there is no point in pondering about my appearance or what I do when I meet people. Those who know me well enough, always have understood me! Those who don't cannot! It is as simple as that!

Memories!

Every place has a thousand stories to tell. Some have millions! If one just keeps an open mind and listens, he hears one and all. Most people are so absorbed in their little worlds that they fail to see the beauty all around them. Some times the stories are not like fairy tales. One does not hear the words "Happily ever after" at the end. But still there is some beauty inherent in them. They may or may not contain morals! One may or may not learn anything from them. And yet this is always in the eye of the beholder. From one's perspective each of us may learn a different thing from each of these stories.

Whenever I watched "My fair Lady", I always contemplated on the platonic relationship between Professor Higgins and Elijah. For those who have not seen the movie let me provide a brief description of what the movie is about. Basically this movie is based on a story by the Literary giant George Bernard Shaw called "Pygmalion". A 1938 motion picture adaptation of this story already had won an Academy Award including one for Bernard Shaw himself. But the most popular rendition was the Broadway musical "My fair lady" which was later made into a movie by the same name.

The story is about a flower girl Elijah. She speaks the typical cockney accent of English spoken by the lower order of the society in England. One rainy day, by chance she runs into Professor Higgins, an expert in Phonetics, who amazes one and all by making out which part and strata of society a person is from by merely listening to their pronunciation of the English language. Professor Higgins happens to meet Colonel Pickering another linguist and author of "Spoken Sanskrit". The two strike a friendly conversation and Professor Higgins claims that he could train the flower girl to speak like a lady and could pass her off as a Dutches at a ball. He claims she could employ herself at a stationers or get such a decent job that befits a lady. Elijah who dreams big, and wants a life of a lady takes Professor Higgin's words seriously and goes to him to get lessons to speak like a lady. Pickering challenges Higgins, if he could really live up to his words and convert Elijah into a lady. Higgins accepts. Elijah meets a young man, who is smitten by her beauty. In the meantime Professor Higgins succeeds in his task. But finally Elijah leaves him to go marry the young man. Professor Higgins asks her to stay with him, not as a wife or not to be romantically involved or anything. He just wants her presence, because he is so used to teaching her and being in her company. It is a sort of platonic attachment. It is not love. It is something above and beyond. Something that we call friendship? Probably! I do not know what to call it.

I have had similar experiences in my life. Some people have come into my life and become so close to me, I do not know how. They were there alongside me when I needed them the most. When I was ill, they were there to help me out. When I was depressed, they were there to cheer me up. Their presence made me forget all miseries in life. And as nothing good lasts forever, there are times in life when one is forced to part with such people. And the separation is painful indeed. One finds himself/herself attached to the other person, but in a platonic way. I stress on platonic because the persons I am talking about belong to the fair sex. One feels, oh why can't we be like the kids we were? Young and being friends, without responsibilities.But when I think about the wonderful times I shared with these people, they cheer me up. The memories are so precious. I do not like to live in the past..but remembering them when I am feeling down sure helps me pass through a rainy day.

Sometimes when I contemplate on this, it makes me realize how lonely one is in life. One comes alone and goes alone. We are like tourists traveling from one city to another. We stay at a hotel in each and every new city. We meet and get acquainted with fellow travelers in these hotels. Some of them become close friends. But after a point of time, we all travel to different destinations and we all part ways no matter what.

This is what makes life so beautiful. One can say, it is sad that we are so lonely. And yet, each of us, goes through a million things in life. Each is a story in itself. I think Bernard Shaw saw this common theme in life and wrote "Pygmalion". He being a celibate, would never think of love or romance, but thought of something beyond that! A platonic attachment which is so beautiful and pure. Many in fact, are said to have written to Bernard Shaw, asking him to change the story at the end. They wanted Elijah to stay with Professor Higgins. They wanted them to be romantically linked. But Bernard Shaw strongly disagreed. And thank god for that. He wrote about something much more beautiful and that was something that I realized only recently.


The reasons that brought some of my friends close to me are manifold. In some cases it was music. Certain times it was science. Some other times it was spirituality. Sometimes it was common interests. Sometimes it was common friends. Sometimes I think these reasons are just a tip of the iceberg. One never knows how in this journey, only some people befriend some select group of other people.

Some day, I would probably record these beautiful memories that are there in my mind. They bring so much joy. Whenever life looks like it is full of darkness and despair, they give me hope.

I therefore wish to thank all my friends who gave me such great memories and some of whom are continuing to do so and will give me many more in the future. But as we grow older, the rift between us gets bigger, as we become involved in our own family responsibilities and lives. But I know that as I continue to travel to other destinations, I will meet other travelers. Some who turn out to be friends and some who turn out to be bitter enemies. But both give rise to memories each of which is a story in itself.

Dance without abandon

Dance without abandon thinking of the beloved
Sing as loudly as you can the beloved's glories

Eat nothing but the fruits of the beloved's garden
And drink nothing but the nectar of the beloved's stream

Remove all barriers of love between you and the beloved
Leave aside the expensive robes that hide your true self

The world laughs at these  actions of an intoxicated one
Who but the beloved knows what goes through the lover

As you remove the barriers expiate the self
By filling yourself with only the thoughts of the beloved!

An eternal mystery

An eternal mystery is my love for you
It defies all logic and prudence

Deeper than the depths of the Abyss
More expansive than the sky above

People ask me how I get drunk without wine
They understand not how intoxicating your beauty is

Memories of you are like a priceless treasure trove
Chained am I to your thoughts unable to move


The few times that I was fortunate to see you
I remember them everyday anew

And yet whenever I seek you I see
That you seem to be unattainable to me

As I grope around in the darkness thus
Like Rumi searched for Shams of Tabrez

As Rumi realized when he reached Damascus
My love reached the Damascus of your thoughts

And like the Mevlana I realized therein
That you are in my heart within

The Lion at the gate!

I tread a thorny path barefoot

Seeking a garden of eternal happiness

The garden itself is of no intrinsic value

The gardener is the one who is invaluable

This gate is guarded by a benevolent lion

Love springs forth in his every roar

He is the faithful and loyal servant of the gardener

His every breath and thought is enveloped by the gardener

People think this lion is a cruel creature

But my mind refuses to believe that

Only love springs in my heart for you

In every breath I remember your blissful form

I know not anyone else's authority

But I know only your mercy and generosity

Allow this lion inside the forest of your heart

And you realize that he is the gardener

The garden is verily within

And the gardener also is I

I seek the gardener!

I seek the gardener of a blissful paradise

Not knowing which path to traverse

I seek not the clear streams in the paradise

Or the bountiful fruits, excessive in sweetness

I seek only the gardener of the paradise

Who is immeasurable happiness personified

Seeking , I run headlong into the moon faced one

Her beauty envelopes my mind and soul

Thinking of her I am led astray

From where I am supposed to go

Her intoxicating glances afflict me severely

I cower in a corner like one running away from a storm

When I cower like this cometh the Fakir who says

Hold onto your bolster and you will reach the gardener

Understanding his words I cling to his feet

For it dawns upon me that he is the Murshid

Only then do I realize that I am in that very paradise

And the Murshid is none other than the gardener!

Play with the colors!

Celebrate the festival of colors oh sister!
Play with the various colors of God!

Put the Vibuthi(ash) from the Sadguru's temple
Wear the bangles at the Murshid's dargah

Play with the colors of his various names
Play with the colors of his various attributes

Play with the colors of his various stories
Play with the colors of his various forms

Play with the colors in the verses of the Vedas
Play with the colors in the Quran with the Kalmas

Play with the colors of the prophets in the Torah and Bible
Play with the colors of the divine sayings of the Gurbani

Play with the colors of the Buddha's sutras
Play with the colors of Yin and Yang of the Tao

Play with the colors of the Devas and Daityas
Play with the colors of the Angels and Jinns

Play with the colors of his entire creation
Play with the colors of his presence within

Play with all the colors available and dance with abandon
Mix the colors and realize that he is colorless

The cottage

I lived in a placid cottage
Next to a still river

When I stood facing the sun
I could see myself in the river

Until you appeared on the horizon
Like dark clouds, precursor to a storm

Thoughts about you blew like a mighty gale
And destroyed the beautiful trees in my garden

You damaged my cottage and made it uninhabitable
The river became so turbulent next to it

That I could not see myself any more in it
The storm of your thoughts stayed right there

It would wax and wane in intensity
But never leave the precincts of my cottage

I then noticed a Neem tree nearby
Seated beneath was a fakir resplendent

I went to him and sat by his side
And told him my tale of woe

He told me let go of the storm
Think only of his Sarkar (Master)

My Sarkar has everything to offer
If you want to cling, cling onto him

I agreed to do what the fakir told me
And asked him to show me his Sarkar

The fakir became my Murshid immediately
And he turned out to be his own Sarkar

Now he became my Sarkar too
Then the Murshid turned towards the gale

With his Satka (Stick) he chased away your thoughts
He then made me sing his name incessantly

Away went the storm without leaving a trace
The cottage became habitable again

Now when I looked in the river
I saw only the fakir in the water

I took him into the cottage
And served his feet with eagerness

At his feet I found all the happiness
There was everything I wanted in there

Gates of paradise

One night in my dream
I reached the gates of paradise

On entering the garden
I found all pleasures one could think of

And on walking further
I ran into the gardener

The gardener made me forget
About the paradise around me

The gardener's presence alone
Could make any place a paradise

I woke up from the dream
And went in search of the paradise

I went to the very ends of the earth
Nowhere could this paradise be found

Then I went in search of the gardener
I went to all the pilgrim centres

Finally I went to a fakir
Who was seated under a neem tree

The fakir asked me to give him
My bundle of worries and in return

He said he would show me
The gardener whom I seek

I gladly gave him the heavy bundle
I had carried all along with me

He then asked me to close my eyes
And look deep within my heart

And there was the paradise in there
And the gardener I sought

On opening the eyes, I saw
The fakir was also the gardener

I planted the same neem tree in the paradise
And I went home with the murshid in my heart

Thirsty

One night, fast asleep I saw you in my mind's eye
And made me feel the world around is a dream

Thirsty was I for your presence
I went in search everywhere

I went through tomes of knowledge
From many libraries in the world

I tried to learn how to sate this thirst
Went on learning  how to gain the water of knowledge

Proud of this knowledge I sat on a high wall
And tried to gauge where the water was

But water has this tendency
To flow to a lower level

Hence I found that from the high wall
The water of knowledge was inaccessible

Hence I got down from the wall
And quenched my thirst

He who comes down to the least level
He has his thirst quenched

And he who remains on the high wall
He will remain thirsty forever

It is enough if one knows this
In the quest for one's beloved

Mere bookish knowledge will do no good
Humility of going to the lowest level is everything

calling out to you

I tried calling out to you
Until I cried myself hoarse

I lit up a big fire and
Tried sending smoke signals

The fire burned steadily sending the signals
Until it was put off by the heavy rains

I tried to send my pigeon with the message
He flew until he was gobbled up by your hawk

I then walked across hill and dale to reach you
Until I collapsed from fatigue and could move no more

I still lie there in wait looking for a way
To behold your beautiful form night and day

Your impregnable fortress

The weather  was quite tranquil and placid
Until you went by, causing a terrible storm

Therefore I went in search of you
To many a distant lands

Finally I came across your impregnable fortress
Unable to find an entrance, I was under much duress

I tied a message to my pigeon and sent it to you
However the hawk guarding your fortress gobbled her up

I then tried to talk to your gatekeepers
Fortunate are they for they are your companions

However they refuse to talk to me
Or allow me to enter your realm

And yet I wait outside your fortress
Seeking a secret tunnel somewhere

Seeking an entrance inside your fortress
To be forever in your beautiful realm

Just as Hallaj

Just as Hallaj declared his oneness with his beloved
I declared that thoughts about you have swallowed my self

However speaking the truth, one has to pay the price
Society and authority begins to despise

For the people in the city call me a drunkard
Intoxicated by the wine of your beauty

And yet like the Abbasid Caliph you punish me
By ignoring me altogether and going away

Separation from you is like the gibbet
From which hung the  body of Hallaj

How painful do you think this can be?
Thoughts about you have swallowed me

Without my self where be the pain?
There are only your thoughts come rain or shine

The beauty of my beloved

I travelled to a distant land
And camped in the forest at night

The fox came up to me and said
"Look yonder at the moon in the sky"

"Look at her incomparable beauty" said he
"See how bright she appears tonight"

"She is pretty and a delight to look at" said I
"But she pales in comparison to the beauty of my beloved"

"For see there are craters on the moon " Said I
"But my beloved is blemish free"

Then came the Antelope near the river
"Look at the beauty of the river" said she

"See How cool and soothing are her waters"
"Can there be anything more beautiful than this?"

"She sates the thirst for sure"  Said I
"But the sight of my beloved is more pleasing"

"My beloved's sight makes me forget hunger and thirst"
"So soothing and cool is her presence to me"

"The river with all her beauty still contains impurities"
"Where as my beloved's beauty is the most pristine thing in the world"

Then came the great black bear
"Look at the fireflies in the night" said he

"How beautifully they light up the forest"
"Bringing light and destroying darkness"

"They are bright indeed" Said I
"But my beloved is like the sun to me"

"Her presence lights up the entire sky for me"
"There is nothing in this universe brighter than she"


In the morning I met the bee
"Look at the beauty of the rose" said he

"Look at her in full bloom"
"Her beauty and color are vivid and picturesque"

"She is a  divine beauty no doubt" said I
"But my beloved is god's finest creation"

"For there are thorns in the rose too"
"But my beloved is softer than the softest petals"

Without abandon!

Loved you have I, without abandon
And yet you seem as distant as the stars in the heavens

I thought you were the oasis
But you turned out to be a mirage

I looked to your lighthouse for guidance in the rough seas
Yet your intense rays incarcerated my ship

I sought shade under your tree
And yet that very tree collapsed on me

The cow ran from the tiger
Only to run into a butcher

I ran into the house seeking shelter from the storm
Only to have it collapse on me


The sparrow came out to catch a worm
Only to be snatched and ripped apart by the hawk

I came looking for your healing balm
Only to get searing pain in return

 I came looking for heaven in your midst
Only to reach the gates of hell instead

And yet I continue treading on the bloody path of thorns
For greater than all this pain and suffering is my love for you

The Antediluvian world

Hear now, this story of a paradise
Narrated in the dialogues of antiquity

Written by a scholar of fame immense
Plato, the philosopher from  Athens

The story as told to Solon the lawgiver
At Egypt in Alexandria by many a scholar

There was an island not in the Aegean
A rich powerful state beyond the Mediterranean

For beyond the mighty pillars of Hercules
Straits of Gibraltar also one of it's names

Was the great civilisation called Atlantis
Great was it's wealth and mighty it's weapons

Mysterious were their crafts
Unknown and strange were their gadgets

Not only were food,water and gold in plenty
The crop of the civilisation yielded the harvest of goodness in bounty

However is there such a thing in this world
That can withstand the test of time,new or old?

For though the weapons and the wealth increased
The morality and virtues of the people decreased

There came an insatiable thirst for power
This resulted in a hunger to conquer

Their armies laid siege on one state after another
Devastated the islands of the Aegean with war and plunder

Just when it looked as though destruction
Was going to sweep through the Aegean

There came the mighty army of Athens
Dear to Athena, the daughter of Zeus

Like the mighty thunderbolt of Zeus they struck
And held the Atlantian army in check

While the Atlantians prepared for another onslaught
The earth beneath them gave way to a rude jolt

Waves of water rose around the island like mountains
Fire spewed forth from the earth's insides

Of no use were the stupendous crafts or the weapons
The earth and sea engulfed the island of Atlantis

Save some people who fled to Egypt and Israel
Everyone else was to nature's hunger a meal

For much was the wealth and opulence of Atlantis
Belittled was it by the power of the Gods

The great paradise called Atlantis
Was destroyed because of a shifting in the heavenly bodies

Those who are lavish in enjoying pleasures
Whose greed renders them heartless to other creatures

For them there is nothing but death and destruction
Concludes Plato, a scholar of supreme reputation

Thus ends the story of a paradise lost
The moral is to "goodness and virtues" hold fast

For greed and immorality are like a fire
That will destroy the very house where it does reside


--Inspired by the dialogues of Plato