Intoxicated!

When I walk in the crowded street
The people think I am crazy and lost

Friends who knew me, are no more mine
They think I am drunk with wine

They think intoxicated am I
They think I had too much and am high

See what your love does to me
Normal it will not let me be

Who can understand me but you
Getting smitten by you is nothing new



Only those who love you as I do
Can forget all else and let go

Those who have tasted of your presence the wine
Can understand this ecstatic state of mine

Let me be eternally drunk in your love
Let me dive into your ocean and dissolve

vastness without and vastness within

vastness without and vastness within
Search shall I for you where in?

Infinity is verily thy form
To the mind it is outside norm

Though you are boundless and vast
You are contained within my heart

This universe and it's various forms
Are but your manifestations

How is it that you are without and within
How do I your nature discern

My heart is  of life the mighty ocean
It contains all the rivers within

A mere delusion are me and you
During deep sleep where is this view

All there is is Vastness
Within the heart, thou art boundless

Engrossed was I in thoughts of my beloved

I used to think about my self
Until I got introduced to your self

The wine of your beauty filled my cup to the brim
There was  left for nothing else any room

Engrossed was I in thoughts of my beloved
For all practical purposes "I" was dead

My love for you flowed boundlessly
It flooded my universe quickly


Finally there was no me anywhere
Only my beloved was everywhere

Whatever I did for you made me happy
Nothing you did could make me unhappy

If to hurt me made you happy
Why then should I be unhappy

Wherever you go, whatever you do
If you are happy, I am happy too

For I have drowned in the ocean of your beauty
"I" do not exist anymore in reality

So why I should I expect anything in return
When my ego is burnt and confined in an urn

The Oasis

I walked alone in the desert heat
My companions were hunger and thirst

I saw your oasis on the way beautiful
Bewitching, was it a mirage or real?

The cool breeze from your garden intoxicated me
Hunger and thirst who were my companions deserted me

As I ran towards your oasis
I could feel unalloyed joy and happiness

But on the tree at the border lives
A terrible ghost full of hate and lies

The ghost had you somehow befriended
And would dance gleefully in your garden unchecked

As I tried to approach your garden
The ghost hurled stones on my person

Hurt I retreated and stood far away
To see if there was some other way

The pain was intense on my part
The wounds were right in my heart

And yet there lies your beautiful oasis
In which dances the ghost with happiness

How I wish I could drive away the ghost
And enter your garden and quench my thirst

For once I enter your garden
I will submerge in the oasis within

And then there is only the garden
It submerges everything within

So far and yet so near

So far are you and yet so near

What makes you such a dear?

I was quite calm and placid

You presence stirred a storm wild

I hid with my eyes closed

Until your storm had passed

In me a feeling new it left

A deep longing was I of your presence bereft

I decided to go in your quest

Many dangers were there I was forewarned

And yet I continue to tread in the forest

Sleepless, without hunger and thirst

However it seems a journey endless

How I wish it was painless

Barefoot I walk on thorns of disappointment

However, towards you I never feel resentment

Sometimes I get tired and sit down to rest

But the sweet breeze of your presence comes to haunt

And onwards towards your palace I continue

I seek it in all places old and new

Only to find it inside my chest

And you enthroned in my heart

Lifeless entities?

Let me be frank to admit that this post has been inspired by Dr.Hofstadter's "I am a strange loop". As I went through the first few pages of the book, I was literally amazed at what he had to say (As always) . The below lines are but a crude representation of Hofstadter's deep thoughts and if I may say so, a glimpse into his soul :) (You will understand this sentence as you read further)

I was looking at the many books and trying to decide what to buy. I was in the mood to buy a classic. My eyes naturally fell on Leo Tolstoy's "War and Peace". On the cover was a picture of Napoleon Bonaparte riding his horse. Immediately images of the Russian steppes during the winter of 1812 flooded my mind. The mighty French army enters city after city to find it bare, the food grains burned and find absolutely no shelter from the harsh winter. Bereft of food, and facing the hostile weather, as the French troops advance, marauding Cossack warriors ambush them time and again. It was a cowardly but brilliant strategy by Czar Alexander. He neither had the guts, nor the brilliance to face Napoleon openly in battle. I bought the book, only never to find the time to read it. But I remember the incident all the time. Is the book, or even it's front cover, or shall we say, the picture of Napoleon a lifeless entity? However, one look at it, and we are reminded of the Person's life, the struggles, the happy and sad moments. A shattered piece of the persons life lies embedded there, and when we look upon it, we can literally feel what it was like to be that person. What were the emotions that he went through?

When we similarly read the work itself, we get to relive the feelings, the emotions that a common Russian went through, the hardships and the struggles during the invasion by France from the eyes of a Chronicler.

When we see this, one wonders, what indeed is lifeless? Take for instance the facebook profile of a person. Etched there in his wall are his opinions, his expressions, what goes on in his mind, his pictures. If I put a gloomy song on facebook, you know that I am feeling depressed at the moment. If I put a picture of myself, all smiling, you know I am happy. When you see me thus, you for a moment can feel the emotions and probably a bit of what's going on through my mind. No wonder the big brother (CIA) and the FBI are said to monitor what goes on in facebook, since it is so easy to spot a radical religious bigot in there.

When you look at all this, the shattered pieces of our soul are all around us in the form of our pictures, our social networking profiles, our poems or music.

Look for instance, at the book containing the musical notes of Beethoven's 9th. It is but just a piece of paper, two dimensional, all white with black dots on it. The strange shapes of the musical notes seem irrelevant, however when given to the hands of an expert musician, one can get a glimpse into the soul of Beethoven. One can see pieces of his shattered soul, splashed all over those very pages.

This makes me wonder, this thing called me, is in so many places and not just in me :) . It is indeed the most unreal "real" thing in our lives.

In my consciousness

In my consciousness do you exist

In my mind does your beauty persist

My mind was a room with blank walls

Your presence filled it with your murals

The sky was once filled with stars

Your presence painted there your frescoes

I was sober and awake to the world perceived

Until the wine of your presence flooded

I got drunk by the wine and was intoxicated

Wilfully in the river of your wine I submerged

Yet another victim your wine claimed

In your prison was I bound and chained

You are none other than my beloved

Thy divine waters of love do send

Let them flood across time and space

And drown me in the wine of your presence

2 beloveds

A lover am I of 2 beloveds
They are my two eye beads

The earthly beloved's presence is always ephemeral
The heavenly one's presence is always eternal

The earthly one I rarely see
The heavenly one is always with me

The earthly one is far away
The heavenly one I see in every way

The earthly one knows not my love
The heavenly one is the source of my love

The earthly one has shut herself somewhere
The heavenly one welcomes me everywhere

The earthly gives me a lot of pain
The heavenly one pours blissful waters of rain

The earthly one does not even at me glance
The heavenly one always puts me in a trance

Both are my passion
Both are my obsession

When I submerge in their love
They merge into one another

I drown in this ocean of love
And all that remains is the beloved

The cemetery of desires

I stood all numb without feeling

Several graves spread out before me

A freshly dug grave was there

A coffin contained for you my desire

A futile desire it had died out

By the disease of unfulfilled deep longing

People felt sorry and came to offer

Their condolences as they lowered

The coffin of the desire and

Buried it in the cemetery of desires

None could understand what I went through

Tears that flowed were the symptom of my broken heart

A monument placed on it read

Here lies a desire that loved

And longed so much that it died

With the intense longing unfulfilled.

Prison of your longing

A prisoner am I in the

Prison of your longing

My feet are chained

By the fear of losing you

I was a free once upon a time

But your beauty imprisoned me

Without your beautiful presence

The dungeon seems dark as night

And when you appear for a brief moment

I forget the prison,myself and only

You remain for like an ocean

you submerge everything in the universe

You are verily my universe

And your beauty is boundless

And when you go away, you

leave me drenched with

The pure water of your memory

I find myself all drenched

And bound in the prison

of your longing, for

Only you have the key

to liberate me from

This tortuous life

And let me submerge

Into the ocean of your heart

And blissfully drown in it

Falcon

I was perched on the tree very still

Until you flew past me in the night sky

Like a shooting star in the night sky

And I stood transfixed for all of a sudden

There was only your beautiful form

Unaware was I of the tree,my body or my self

My robes were colorless,

You painted them with your color

My love for you makes me soar

Like a falcon in the sky of your longing

The fair wind of the memories of your beauty

Pushes me onward towards your city

Your city is an impregnable fortress

Your soldiers try to drive me away

By showering the sky with arrows

Hurt I go back to the woods and

Nurse my wounds, only to see your

Beautiful form streak across the sky again

And I forget the wounds, the body and myself

All that remains is but your beauty

And I again take off, unaware of

Sun,rain or wind, I reach near your city

I try to reach you city again and again

I find the doors of your palace closed every time

The day you open the windows of your palace

I will enter inside never to come out

For their remains not me, nor

The palace nor the woods

But then there exists only you

In you presence I forget all and myself

The river of your memories

In dazzling white attire
Spreading beauty and light everywhere

Pearly waters of your river
Makes my throat parched

When I drunk the pure water
Of your divine presence

I stopped dancing
And started floating

Into a river of eternal calm
But then you went away

Your absence caused a great storm
Thunderous waves came crashing down

On me, and I submerge in
The river of your memories

I come out to breathe
Only when I see your presence divine

I call you

My voice is so feeble

And yet I gather all my strength

And call you at the top of my voice

And yet it never seems to reach you

There seems to be mountains

And streams and forests between us

The distance is enormous

And yet I try to reach you

Sometimes during a new moon night

When your beautiful light shines forth

I see you from this great distance

And then the light vanishes as

You go inside your house

And lock all doors

The momentary bright light is blinding

And what follows is a long period of darkness

Even though you have closed all doors

Your light filters through the corners

This light is so beautiful that

I leave all and run behind it

But I know not how great

A distance I have to travel

I wish you would come halfway

across to meet me, but you do not!

I travel alone towards you

And It seems verily so

That I have been walking

Since eternity, but you are still

So far away, that I feel dejected

I then see your light again

And then I again pack my belongings

And walk towards your dwelling

I am Hallaj

I am Hallaj, An-al-Haq (I am the truth)

You are the angry Abbasid Caliph

Even before I have made the proclamation

You torture me so by already putting me on the pyre

I whirl like the dervish in divine ecstasy

Until you come along and vanish before I could see properly

Your brief appearance is like a thunderstorm devastating

It blows over calm waters and wrecks havoc over my city

One moment I see you, it is followed by a longing so deep

I stop whirling and am surrounded only by you entirely

I feel like a helpless deer trapped in the hunters net

And you are the lioness waiting to hunt me down

And yet it looks as though you are not hungry yet

For you look at me from the bushes where I cannot see you

When I see you I submerge in your murky waters

I do not want to surface but to stay within

Inside these waters I see nothing but you

When the fakir comes I leave your river

He takes me to water so clear

That I can see you me and everyone else

And yet, once I am away from there

I again feel like submerging in your river

And yet your abode is across this river vast

I have tried to swim across, but the distance is large

I tire myself out and then again

Submerge and am satisfied to remain within

And I remain there for the fakir

To pull me out and cleanse me

How long will this cycle last

I wish to get out of this fast

I wish you would leave your abode so far

And submerge with me in the fakir's ocean of bliss

I search for your ship

I was sailing on placid waters

Until I saw the sails of your ship

With your well equipped magazine you attacked

Doing irreparable damage to my ship

Your blows smashed many of my crew into smithereens

Many were forced to go to Davy Jones Locker

After the attack you just left me

In the vast sea hapless

Suddenly the waters turned violent

There were claps of thunder and heavy rains

Wet and hungry I was sailing alone

Searching for your ship

For I knew that only in your ship

Can I sail safely ashore

But I continue to sail in the rickety ship

Afraid of the sea monsters of the deep

I search for your ship with pearly white sails

A steady ship is yours in the roughest of waters

The beauty of your ship alone fuels your magazine

No ship can withstand your naval onslaught

I seek to work under your command

In your ship to sail till death do us part

Eternal night

You do not know what you are

You know not your worth

Does the diamond know it's value?

Or the water in the oasis it's worth?

It is the Jeweller who craves for a beautiful diamond

And the traveller, the life giving waters of the Oasis

My craving for you is no different

I look everywhere for you leaving no stone unturned

I see the proof of your presence from a distance

For I see you glistening in the Sunlight

And yet now, bereft of your presence

It feels like an eternal night

No matter where I go, no matter what I do

You always seem to be just out of reach

There are, Only when you pass by brief moments of light

They are so bright they make me shut my eyes tight

And when I open my eyes again you have taken flight

I again grope in darkness searching for your light

Phantom in my mind

I think you are but a phantom in my mind

For in my world you do not exist

I behold you only in my dreams

When I snap back to reality I do not see you

And if I do you only appear

Like a Shooting star and then disappear

Reality metamorphosis into a dream world

Where I see you every moment

How can I but tell one from the other

It is like my reflection in the mirror

Reality is painful because of your absence

The consolation is the dream world filled with your presence

River of stillness

I was a river of stillness
Until you came as a butterfly

The flutter of your wings
Caused a raging storm

Terrible waves lashed in my river
The storm went away, but the waves remained

Remnants are the waves of you
They will remain within

Every time you fly by
The raging storm follows

The stillness can be regained
Only if you submerge in my river

The crowded street

I saw you in this crowded street

The darkness was driven away by your divine light

I walk this street everyday

But I return home without your glimpse

I spend hours everyday loitering in this street

But only to return home without your divine sight

I come to the street where you live

I wait there in that crowded street

I call out to you but I hear no response

I write things on the wall opposite to your window

Yet very rarely do I see you in this crowded street

Very rarely do we really meet

And when I see you in this street

I run to another one in fright

Then I come back only to find

The street bereft of your beautiful presence

It appears as thought I am prepared

To spend an eternity in the street where you live

In the darkness

In the darkness I was in a cave

Light was what I did crave

You did for a brief moment appear

Everything out side was brighter than earlier

I wanted to bask in your light

But I stayed within the cave in fright

There was again darkness after the brief moment

Why did I not come out I lament

In the cave I continue to wait

To again glimpse your divine light

The lighthouse

I am the pen,you are the author

I am the candle, you are the flame

I am the flute, you are the music

I am the whirl, you are the dervesh

Every day my longing grows

Until the moment when your image shows

A powerful lighthouse in a dark sea

You appear to this sailor who has lost course

When I try to steer towards the light

Fierce winds take my boat in the opposite direction

I wander in the sea in pain

To catch a glimpse of your light again

In the darkness I wait!

I came here in your quest

I flew without food and rest

And yet I know not where you are

I look in land, water and air

Many a times I try

to fly really high

So you could see me

wherever you may be

And yet I hardly see you

Nor is there any sign of you

Only once here and once there

Do I get to see you somewhere

Your vision is like a brief spark

Of light in the night dark

In the darkness I wait

For your beautiful light

The city where you live!

I came near your city

In your pursuit

In the night, illumined

By your presence divine

The city appears so near

Yet I have not there reached

I have walked for many days

Hungry and Thirsty and bereft of sleep

No matter how much I walk towards you

You seem to be just out of reach

Why do you tease me so?

Why can I not enter your city

I become angry at this inabilty

And yet at night when I gaze at your city

It glows brighter than the moon and stars

It eases my pain and reminds me of my longing

Only when I leave my city

Will I be able to enter yours

The wine of your presence

Walking along the sea shore, I came across many a column

They looked breathtaking in the setting sun

I was seeking you of course

I had gone off course

The beautiful palace has now crumbled

These ruins to me a person reminded

None other than me was that person

I was like those ruins in the setting sun

The ruins were bereft of the beauty of the palace

I was bereft of the beauty of your presence

When I was roaming with thirst once

You made me drunk by the wine of your presence

Your remembrance makes me drunk

And yet I am thirsty and need more to drink

This thirst cannot be quenched

Until you can be reached

It is already night and ahead I cannot see

Until morning by the ruins I must lie

Somewhere I can see in the distance

Proof of your presence

For see the stars and the moon light

Pales in comparison to your presence bright

When I see you the ruins disappear

Only a beautiful palace does appear

At night

At night out comes the king of the jungle

With the cool night air and the stars to mingle

He smells prey and utters an earth shattering roar

Only to feel pain in the form of a spear

This was followed by another spear

Bloodied I ran for my life dear

I nursed my wounds near the river

Away from the owner of the cowardly spear

Hallaj met a similar fate on the pyre

Speaking truth has consequences dire

I seek you in the city with huge walls

I can see the light from the hills

The moat is full of crocodiles hungry

There is no way in and I am angry

Am I to find you only there?

Are you not to be found elsewhere?

I seek you in flowers different

I seek you in every element

All my hunters fled

the river washed my blood

Until the wounds disappear

I will not in the night appear

To hunt for you is but my life

Getting hurt is a part of that strife

I came as the cheetah,tiger and lion

To eat tasty venison

In your pursuit I walk on grass and thorn

It hurts only the heart and makes me forlorn

I can only keep the hope to meet

Then there will be only your presence so sweet

Just as a dervesh whirls

Just as a dervesh whirls

My mind about you thinks

Though we live so close by

To reach you there is no way

Just as a flower reminds me of the inner beauty

Your presence brings out peace and love in plenty

My mind is like a fly trapped in your spider web

Waters of love flow and ebb

I longingly want to visit of dimonds the beautiful city

I cannot find the way, what a pity

You remind me of my inner sanctity and beauty

By looking at the river I remembered the ocean mighty

The moment I forget the ocean

I search for the river again

The most shameless exhibitionist since Barnum & Bailey

The movie starts off with the death of T.E.Lawrence from an accident in his motorcycle. A bust of Lawrence is placed in the crypt at St Paul's Cathedral. A lot of men, whose lives crossed paths with that of his speak about him. One man goes onto say "He was a poet, a scholar and a mighty warrior. He was also the most shameless exhibitionist since Barnum & Bailey". I find that striking. It seemed to remind me of someone. After thinking long and hard I realized who it was that it did remind me of. Me!!! I do not know about the first three, but I have always wanted to be all of them. The lives of warrior saints like Guru Tegbahaddur Singh and Guru Gobind Singh have always inspired me. I can envision myself in Haldhi Ghati seated on the horse Chetak and almost killing the traitor Man Singh with my spear. I can imagine myself killing Afzal Khan with tiger claws, or fighting with Udhaybhan Rathod. But yes, these are just dreams. They seem to remain within.

I am not sure about the scholar and the poet part. This is a candid post, and I neither want to be modest nor arrogant. But I am sure about the latter part of that description. If Lawrence was the most shameless exhibitionist since Barnum and Bailey, I have taken over from him. I am always on facebook, addicted to it. I do not know why? If a great psychologist of the west like Sigmund Freud cannot figure out why he was addicted to Cigars and ended up getting cancer because of that, it is indeed difficult for me to analyze my addiction.

But I gather, that I crave for company and attention. After coming to US, I seem to have become a one man army. It feels like I have come on a long journey, I still have a great distance to go, but being too tired, I have just dozed off and am yet to get up. Blow after blow in life is still not able to minimize the ego. It still craves for attention. It still feels like I should put everything I write in a blog onto facebook, comment on everyone's pictures, and if someone cares to reply to that, reply back to them . I am indeed very generous in writing on other's walls. A futile exercise really. But like all other addictions, it seems more fun than futile. I write all this, and yet it will not stop me from posting this on facebook.

Really I seem to have lost directions and seem to be wandering around in circles. Sometimes all this just vanishes, but those moments are brief. All this probably sounds insane, like the writing of a drunk, and it is. I am drunk, but I am still thirsty. It seems as though nothing can sate this thirst. I seem to be trapped in a cage. Is there any way out of this I wonder.

All I can do is continue struggling, and hope that god forgives me for my shortcomings and gives me the strength to overcome them.

The Pain

Hallaj smiles when he is about to be lit

There exists only his beloved whom he met

At night, the walls crumble

In the dark rough path I stumble

Discordant noises are all around me

In midst of this you I try to see

For this ache the wine of your love is a balm

Which leaves me instantly peaceful and calm

A prisoner am I in a cage so small

I look at you longingly and call

When I see the little figure reclining

A genious facing misery called Wolfgang

Burnt out like a candle in the darkness

Was kept in a spot quickened because it was windless

The beautiful night sky seems hidden by clouds many

Is there any beauty left in the paths many?

Then in the darkness I stumble upon you

Full of light the darkness you slew

Then again the clouds seem to be everywhere

Again in the darkness I try to see went you where

The sought

At that moment Smitten was I

When I beheld you in my eye

The more for you I craved

Away from you I moved

Fear gripped me in your midst

Sadness gripped me when you left

Your glimpse is so rare a sight

But when I behold you my feet take flight

You go away after so brief a moment

Why did I run away I lament

The more I try to seek you

The more away from me going are you

I roam the earth and the sky

I look at everything beheld by my eye

I look in all that is visible

Then I search the realm of the invisible

I expand and find that I am everywhere

What I sought is not elsewhere

I finally find that you are within me

I need not worry, but I must just be

Anal-Haq (I am the Truth)

On a starry night in a trance

Hallaj declares Anal Haq (I am the Truth) and sticks to his stance

The Wali who sleeps in Ajmer weeps for him

So does Jelaluddin from the kingdom of Rum

So does Shams of Tabriz of Rumi within

Was the Abbasid Caliph possessed by the Jinn?

What he sought was unity with his beloved

Attained the same and was relieved

Died at the pyre on his face with a smile

Did not affect him of the ignorant the guile

Was he not there before he was born

Was he absent after he was torn

As he said Anal Haq ever present

Was heretic to the star and the crescent

Boundaries none he has in the Universe

To seek him look in direction reverse

Where is he and where am i?

I look for him with the inner eye

Only to find that I am he

Only to find that he is me

Where is the question of his being a martyr

He is every present before and after

Craving

The very urge to reach the destination makes me immovable

The very urge to express myself keeps me silent

The very urge to feed myself keeps me hungry

The very urge to sate myself keeps me thirsty

Why is it like this, I cannot understand

All the world around me seems to go Topsy-turvy

In this there is only one thing that is still

Immense treasure our coffers it can fill

I gaze at you with all this that I crave

Tenfold consolation and sympathy I receive

Wave upon wave of love in which I submerge

If only for a moment I seem to enlarge

In the sky, water and air am I

I am always under the gaze of your eye

Why do I crave for anything else

You are the source of everything else

Help me towards what I truly crave

Even though I may be a knave

Fill me with waters of love from everywhere

Let me seek nothing elsewhere

Into the labyrinth of Crete

Into the labyrinth through an entrance unique

Came I to find my way to the monster of Crete

To destroy him was my mission

With a sword was what was my decision

However confused i got about how to get him

Ignoring the labyrinth, I thought should kill him

I got lost in the labyrinth but did not care

He chased me and I ran from him like a hare

In trying to destroy the Minotaur

I was confronted by the cyclops and the centaur

I was hopelessly lost in the labyrinth

Starving and hapless to the Minotaur's mirth

Was I to be his next meal

My fears looked real

I prayed to Zeus to help me

Out of this ordeal out he should get me

Ignore not the labyrinth said he

Focus on where you are going he told me

I concentrated on the maze

No more was I in a daze

To my help came Ulysses

With him was Aeschylus

Got rid they did of the cyclops and the Centaur

I went out to get the Minotaur

I focused on my way

Figured out how to see the light of the day

From Hades realm I came back to earth

Now there seemed to be no more dearth

I reached the the Minotaur's realm

Used the sword of discrimination and stayed calm

He was stuck by the heavenly Thunderbolt

I ended up the victor of the fight

After that I emerged out of the Maze somewhere

Only to find that I was everywhere

I realized that ignoring the maze

Will only leave one in a daze

The source of your beauty

When I saw you I stood transfixed

The feelings withing me were mixed

I was feeling thrilled

At the same time I felt worried

By my good fortune it was

A few brief meetings came to pass

I kept contemplating all day on thee

Morning, noon and night you were before me

You had become my beloved

This was what in my mind I conceived

However, try as hard as i might

When I saw you, my eyes would be shut tight

To breathe would be an effort

You would be like an enemy outside my fort

Futile for this to continue it seemed

My desires all seemed to be doomed

What is it that I like in thee?

How did you do this to me?

What is it in you that I seek?

What is it that makes me weak?

This I searched all around me

What is it that is within thee

Only to find that what is within thee

Is also what is within me

Where are you, but inside me

Where am I, but inside you

The beauty is in everyone

The source of everything is only one

This source is my beloved truly

I have sought you in every life nearly

Within me is my beloved

Also within the planets and stars that revolved

I am everywhere and so are you

This is said always, but known by few

You are me

and I am thee

I see my beauty in you!

I keep waiting for the moment when we can meet

However when we do, feel like running away do my feet

I Shy away at that precious moment

When you leave, in sadness do I lament

Those short durations when you I see

Are so precious to me

Though only for a minute I see

For the rest of the day I contemplate on thee

Then I try to see what is it that I crave in you

What is it that brings out this strange feeling new

The beauty I crave for, I search everywhere

When I can see you in sight nowhere

I look for the creator of your beauty

I search for him in every county

Until I realize finally

I need not search actually

That the beauty in thee

Is actually the beauty in me

I see in you my beauty

I see in me your beauty

Thousand suns

When you enter, it is as though a thousands suns shine

So bright, In fear I hide this face of mine

You leave After a brief moment

There will be only darkness, and then I lament

You always come but to go away

I search for you in every way

I search for you here and there

I look for you everywhere

Heaven and Earth I searched for thee

Only to find you within me

My way is the only way!

My way is the only way

There is no other way

The jackal does not follow my way

Nor does the horse for he eats only hay

Are the rivers and oceans different

Even though they are of the same element

They flow and flow but in a different path

To them awaits a fate worse than death

Only do I deserve to enter heaven

Every one else follow the demon

Only I have the right to live

To only my kind, charity I must give

I must bring everyone on my road

Only then will they live in the right mode

Those travelling on a different road I despise

On the destination, only I have expertise

When I see people coming with me

I look at them full of glee

But those who another path choose

Should be bought on my path with a noose

Use money, use violence, use love

Make the eagle out of a dove

Finally when I reached the end of the road

Found I was in a despised road

Those who travelled on one road

Thinking it to be no different from any other road

Reached the destination in time

Crossed they all the seven clime

Those who thought my way is the only way

Ultimately blended into their despised way

False Alarm :)

Om Jai Sai Ram. I was about to drink tea (decaffeinated because it was night) when the fire alarm started. It alarmed me because I knew there was nothing cooking in the kitchen. Normally the Chapatti is the culprit. We tried to get rid of the smoke by the usual method. Trying to clear the smoke from near the fire alarm using a book, pillow etc. But there was no smoke to clear. And we heard people going out of neighboring apartments to outside the building. We went out as well. For more than half an hour we stood there only to find that it is a false alarm.

I kept thinking, so often in life, the fire alarm of worry and fear keeps ringing. We later find that it is only a false alarm and many a times we look back at those incidents which made us worry or fear and laugh at them. Nothing is bad as it seems. By the grace of God, any situation can be overcome. With this confidence, we must face life. When there is a real fire, God will be there as the Fire chief to rid us of it by using the extinguisher of his grace.

Shree Satchitananda Sadguru Sainath Maharaj Ki Jai!

Bow to Shree Sai! Peace be to all!

Two Room mates

I have two room mates. One is anger. The other is Bhakthi (devotion). They are weird room mates. They despise each other. When one is around, the other leaves the room.

I do not like the company of anger. Though considered a healthy emotion, when uncontrolled and un-vented it can go onto destroying one's physical constitution. I have had a personal experience in that. And yet quite recently due to some frustration, I became so angry, that I did not even speak to my parents properly. I realized then that when angry, one tends to hurt those that one loves most. More terrible than the relatively short period of anger is the guilt that follows and the consequences of our irrational actions during anger.

I was feeling so overwhelmed with guilt that I pleaded to my room mate "Anger, why dost thou worry me so much! I do not want to be your accomplice!"

By the grace of Sadguru Sainath, I hope I part ways with this room mate and see very little of him.

Bow to Shri Sai! Peace be to all!